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To Sleep, Perchance to Lucid Dream

   In a dream, I was driving in a car and I felt very very strange. For a split second I had the idea that I was dreaming. Not wanting to alarm the passengers, I kept this thought to myself as I tried to prove the notion. I was either dreaming, or someone had drugged me. if I were dreaming, then I would be master of reality. Whatever I wanted would be mine. I wanted to fly. So I rolled down the car window and was about to get out when it hit me that I could be under the influence of a drug, and I would die if I dove out headfirst, and the passengers might be killed also. How could I do what I wanted to do? I looked to the others and said, “Look. I am perfectly serious. This is a dream. That is what I believe. I am going to go out of the window now and fly. If this sounds weird to you, stop me, because I have been poisoned. No one reacted. Without further hesitation, I climbed out of the window and held on to the side mirror and glided alongside the car like an airplane. With excitement and confidence, I let go and continued to be airborne. Enjoying the feeling for only a few seconds more, I dropped and dropped until I landed softly. The thrilling flight was over. I was so mad. If this were a dream, I should have supreme power. My will should be the only force that mattered. Yet I could not break the laws of physics in my dream. I hopped up but I landed. Gazing up at the sky and marvelling at the skyscrapers, I sadly realized that I could not be up there to ride the winds. It was night in the dreamworld, and somehow I was a dreamer who knew that he dreamed. I did not even ask myself how that could be possible. I just kept thinking about the few seconds of flight that I had just had, and tried to figure out how I could make that happen again. My dreamworld should obey me. Why was I a prisoner of stupid beliefs that limited me? So I decided that I would fly and disbelieve everything else. I raised one hand out as if I were holding an orb of power, and I let out a wail from an opera, a vibrato note of great power, “laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” and I believed that my voice would be the fuel of my flight. I ignored everything else. All of my belief was focused on that. As long as I could sing, I would be lifted into the air. The city around me echoed my godly voice, and I felt myself rising. My ascension grew faster and faster, and I was zooming around the sky in ecstacy. I crashed through skyscrapers, loving the strength my flight, and I even flew in the manner that a sea otter floats... I was on my back, in the air, flying, and looking at the stars. When I awoke, all my worldly cares were as nothing. I had felt a happiness that could never be matched.

I do not know what created that awareness in me. Some time passed and I became aware in a dream again. But instead of trying to influence reality, I decided to explore the dreamworld. After all, the dreamworld was made by my subconscious, and IT knew my wishes already. I came into a village that was more fantastic than anything Disney could have created. It was a toy world, an amusement park that was also a city. I sat upon a miniature train and passed sites that I have missed intensely since I saw them. All manner of fantasy creatures lived in this world. One of my favorites were the little duck people who came to me and happily answered my questions. Of course, I looked at them as being creatures of my imagination, but that was only a side thought because they were so interesting. I told them that I could fly, and that I should be doing that soon because I was a dreamer, and I could bee taken away from their world at any time, and I sadly told them that I didn’t think that I could ever return. But I promised them that I would not forget them, nor would I forget the incredible place I had seen. I had waited a long time to have this experience, and I wanted to fly, so I raised my voice in that special opera and began to ascend. I could not believe how amazingly colorful this dream world was. Even as I passed the fantasy dwellings and flew over uninhabited land, I was moved by the beauty, and the more I became moved, the more it took on a magical appearance. I felt just a momentary loneliness because I wanted to bring someone there, but I knew that I never could. There was this one tree that had brilliant lights instead of flowers, and I slowly flew, weaving through the branches, feeling magic, and wished that I could return. I never have.

It was still unknown to me how this happened. But in one week I had the experience three times! In one, I wondered if there was something new that I could do. Whatever it was, I could not waste the dream on something like winning the lottery. Whatever happened, I had to make an experience happen. Whether I fly in real life, or whether I fly in a dream, I would remember them both the same way. It was something that I could always remember. So if I made a pot of gold appear before me, when i woke up, it would just be a memory. But if I woke up with a the memory of flying, it would always be with me, and no pot of gold could ever buy me the experience of flight. Then it dawned on me... as silly as it sounds, I wanted to have sex with Christina Applegate, and I did. In fact, I had sex with quite a few otherwise unreachable women. But the third dream was so profound that I think it blocked future experiences for a long time. I zapped a portal into existence, and if I stepped through, I could re-live the past and see what would have happened if I did something different. No, it was not like a crystal ball. It as the real experience. The first time I went through the portal, I wanted to see what would have happened if I went ahead and accepted the advances of a girl who was going out with a friend. it made me laugh to think that a portal like that could make a lot of people act more responsibly. They could be honorable in life, but selfish in dreams. But I played too much with the portal, and I learned some things that have affected me for a very long time. I played with fire, so to speak. At the very least, it made me hate the paths I had chosen in real life. Some things cannot be unmade, and knowing what could have happened, even if they were a dream reality, was a heavy stone to carry.

   One day I came upon a book about “Lucid Dreaming”. I did not pick it up at first because I didn’t know what it was, and I make fun of people who read those books that interpret dream symbols through numerology or other ridiculous means. However, that is not to say that I disbelieve dream interpretation, for I am a Freudian in that sense. But that is a subject that is not meant for this article. Something made me read a little into the book, and I soon realized with amazement that this book had described the experiences that I have had! What I found so interesting was that the doctor who wrote the book was describing the phenomenon as if he were afraid that readers would find him crazy. The reason I have remembered that was because the authors of books on out of body experiences which I have since read are also of the same careful tone. So if the learned doctors treat lucid dreaming as a phenomenon that readers might think is ridiculous, but which I have personally experienced before I ever knew what it was, could it stand to reason that the out of body experience is also something that I can achieve?

   The book also contained something very valuable; exercises that enabled the dreamer to become lucid. Within a week I was at it again. What was once spontaneous was now something I had regular success in attaining.

I    had read many books about near death experiences, and the out of body experiences that some people had seemed to be something that would be reserved for my own death. For some reason I thought that the out of body experiences that healthy people had were possible hoaxes. But when I read about them in lucid dreaming books I began to develop an interest. So I bought a book and was surprised to find a similarity in the attitudes of the authors. The book I bought was written by a doctor, so I was hopeful of reading something scientific, not new age-ish.

It was interesting to discover that people have spontaneous out of body experiences. The anecdotal reports I read seemed to have a thing in common... unusual sleeping patterns or sleep depravation. What really surprised me was the fact that people can induce these experiences. Of course, I heard about people being able to do this before. But I dismissed them as charlatans. I no longer thought so.

The out of body experience fascinated me. Apparently, if you are out of body, you can just think of a person or a place and then appear there. I decided that if I ever achieve that state, i would visit a person whose house I have never been in. Should I be able to describe the house to that friend, it would validate the experience. I would need to prove that the phenomenon were real, not imagination. But the book I read did not offer any techniques for inducing an out of body experience.

   Some of the anecdotal reports were from people who induced the experience, and they seemed to be in a state of relaxation. I made a tape of soothing music and tried to become as relaxed as possible, ignoring any sensations, which proved to be quite a task because there was an always an itch that begged to be scratched. After about two weeks the only success I had was the ability to ignore an itch, no matter how intense.

I suddenly remembered a technique on progressive muscle relaxation that I learned in a class about how humans adapt to stress. The reason I remembered the technique was because we flirted with it in class, and a girl became so relaxed that she fell out of her desk and smashed her head on the floor. I began by controlling my breathing in a strange cycle by counting my heartbeats. I would inhale, hold, and exhale, based on counting my pulse, which became slower and slower. With each cycle, I focused on a different muscle, beginning with my toes. I would flex the muscle as hard as I could and then relax it. I had to strain the muscle so that I could know what it felt like when it was relaxed. I lost sense of time, and when I had progressed to my chest, an odd thing happened. I started to shiver, except it wasn’t really a shiver. I could not stop it, and it seemed to become more violent. I was so mad because it seemed that I was successful at the relaxation until that point, and then it was ruined by the strange inner shaking. So I snapped myself out of it and decided to get another book in hopes of learning clues about the induction. Ironically I did find such a book, and I discovered that I came to within seconds of having an out of body experience! The shakes that I had were identified as the vibrational stage, and they were the sign of a lift off. All I had to do was increase them, not stop them as I did. It appears that I had become so relaxed that I induced that state on my first try! Although I was very disappointed, I was also very happy because I had achieved the vibrational state without knowing anything about it beforehand. That meant that it was not something I had brainwashed myself into believing, and it also meant that the idea became far more valid to me.

   I began to acquire quite a load of books, but for some reason I never did the relaxation technique again. In one book, it was suggested that a person could have an out of body experience by becoming lucid in a dream, flying, and then dissolving the dream, hopefully finding himself hovering above the body. I also learned that belief had a very strong role in the experience. In an out of body experience, thought becomes action, or so I read. So I had to work on some things. Evil only exists in the body. It’s a sickness. If we have a spiritual side, that spirit only temporarily resides in a body, and is unaffected by sickness. In a spiritual reality, evil cannot logically exist. The reasons are far too many to explore here. The reason why I brought that up was because things can be seen while out of the body, and they are not always pleasant. I could see demons. The demons would not be real. They would be from my imagination. But in an out of body experience, imagination/thought is real. So there are a few techniques in dealing with such problems. I am glad that I was able to prep my mind and to get rid of some mental garbage.

   The next time I had a lucid dream, the minute that I became lucid I focused all my will into leaving my body. I shot out from the top of my head, and I was surprised to discover that I was a sparkling white cloud. But I stopped from emerging completely, and for two reasons. The first was because I was in a dream. I was coming out of the body that was in a dream. I wanted to come out of the body that was on my bed, in real life. I wanted to validate the experience as a phenomenon of reality, not imagination. But I also had blown my mind. I was reeling from the discovery. Even if it were just a dream, I saw myself as a cloud, and I was afraid of what other things I would discover. Dreams were safe for me. But I was afraid of the new territory. It was as if my body were a small boat in a big sea. The water is blue and inviting. If I should dive out of the boat (have an out of body experience), there could be a dolphin in the water, or there could be a shark. I was not ready for a shark, despite knowing what to do. So I was standing there ,in the dream, thinking how strange it was that I was really lying down in my bed. I tried to feel what my sleeping body was feeling, but instead felt only the dream body’s sensations. It was daylight in the dream. Looking around, I was trying to decide what to do. Although I admitted to myself that I was scared, I regained my curiosity and decided that I would in fact have the out of body experience. So in that dream I was reviewing everything I had read in real life. I remembered that I could possibly get out of my body from the lucid dream by flying and then dissolving the dream, hopefully finding myself above my real body. I didn’t care if I didn’t experience lift off from the body. I would still be able to complete the experiment by visiting the friend and then describing the friend’s location the next day. So all I had to do was fly. Strangely, I had forgotten my opera trick, and I found myself stuck on the ground. I was unable to believe that I could fly, or believe enough to actually do so. But I remembered reading that a dreamer can fly by jumping from a height. There was a skyscraper nearby, so I decided to jump off it. The funny thing was, although I could not convince myself that I could fly, I got on top of the skyscraper by jumping onto it from my present location. So that was an interesting trait in thinking. I could not accept an equation for flying, yet I jumped 20 stories from the ground, perhaps because I was focused on the next step instead of on the belief of the first. Perhaps that first trick I learned when I sang opera had a similar role in fooling belief. But that also is a subject for another article. Once on top of that skyscraper I was hesitant to look down, for I am afraid of heights. I never feared heights while flying, but standing there on the skyscraper was a different matter. Ignoring my fear, I walked off the edge and fell. As I was falling, I remembered hearing that people always wake up before they hit the ground, for whatever reason. Instead of turning my attention to flying, I was going to find out if that were true. I didn’t like the idea of feeling the impact or the pain, or maybe dying, as some people would warn. I trusted my mind. I fell, and I fell hard, cracking the pavement. But I felt no pain, and I got up and brushed myself off, startling the onlookers. I laughed at them and said, “You aren’t real. You’re in a dream I’m having.” Falling from that great height and then landing like a cartoon character was quite a rush. It was also a relief to know that I had trusted my mind and the gamble paid off. Unfortunately, instead of proceeding with the intention of flying and then having an out of body experience, I spent the rest of the dream jumping onto the skyscraper and falling again.

   I had a lucid dream a couple of nights later. When I realized I was dreaming, I was outside a restaurant, at night. Instead of going about the business of flying right away, I investigated the scene because a lot of police cars drove up. A police captain came up to me and told me that there was a hostage situation in the restaurant, and since I was a lucid dreamer i could go in there without getting hurt. He didn’t want to risk the lives of his men. He actually begged me to take care of the situation before I took care of my own matter. So I decided to help. I kicked down the door and surprised the gunmen inside, one of whom held a very beautiful woman. They realized that I wasn’t armed and they tried to manhandle me, so I threw one of them across the room with my superhuman strength. They then decided to open fire on me. I stood there like Superman with my hands on my hips, while bullets were bouncing off my chest. I melted the gun of the man who kept the woman captive, enjoying how heat rays were shooting out of my eyes. The villains fled into the arms of the police, and the woman showed her gratitude by sleeping with me. It was a very indulgent dream. But what I really enjoyed was the fact that I was telling the woman that I am a dreamer, which really impressed her. I told her that I could make anything happen, and before left, I made diamonds appear before her so that she could be rich after I returned to my waking life.

   The book at the time warned about indulging in fantasy because it was a distraction. An easy technique for avoiding fantasy was to promise myself that I would return to it later. But I love fantasy, and I found myself instead promising to return to my task later. A couple of nights after that last dream, I found myself in Africa, surrounded by a war-loving tribe. When I became lucid I was going to fly immediately, but I decided to indulge myself. I let the first tribesman come at me with a spear. It broke against my chest, doing nothing to me. Instead of frightening the tribe, it made all of them charge me with their weapons. I decided that I would have the skills of Steve Seagal, and one-by-one I was breaking their arms and necks, having a really good time. I woke up while still fighting them, but I can’t say that it was a waste of time because it was a lot of fun.

During this time I started asking people if they have ever had out of body experiences. I didn’t ask everyone, but almost everyone I did ask had had one, which was strange, since I seemed to know whom to ask. However, the experiences had all resulted from trauma. One girl whom I had known for a while was almost killed by her boyfriend, and she was in so much pain from the attack that she came out of her body and saw herself being strangled. She was a psychologist and not prone to storytelling. But what made it even more compelling was that she never offered her account of it until I had asked her about it. So the anecdote was not a boast of any sort. That was the usual way about it. This strengthened my hunger for it.

A few older people who did have some experience with the induced phenomenon suggested to me that I might be blocking myself, either from trying too hard, or from some kind of fear. I remembered how I became hesitant in that lucid dream, but I thought that I was beyond fear by now. What I really wanted was to attain it in small doses, not all at once, as it seemed it had to happen. But there was another fear, one that I had all along, yet which I did not want to admit.

   I had to change my sleeping hours drastically. I had been on a schedule in which I went to sleep around 6am, but it changed to having to be awake by 6am. So the first day I had no sleep at all, and the next night I had only one hour of sleep. For the whole week I did not sleep more than 3 hours a night. At the end of the week, I came home, made a sandwich, and decided to have a nap. The nap lasted a very long time. I awoke as if I had been hit by lightning. A surge of energy blasted from my chest outward in a big wave, exploding out of my hands and feet. I was on my stomach, and I felt a weird tingling. I tried to get up, but I was paralyzed. This was it! This is what I was waiting for! Mind awake/body asleep. It was spontaneous! As scared as I was, I was going to do it and find some answers.

   Before I lifted out I either sensed another presence, or I feared that I would encounter another presence. I don’t remember which. But the fear that I had never admitted could no longer be denied. I was afraid that I would encounter my dead friend. The fear had two sides. Oh yes, it might be the real spirit. I would ask it for information that I would later verify with his relatives, just to validate. But I was not ready for something so mind-blowing. The other thing that could happen was, since thought became reality, I could just dream up an image of him, and I was not ready for that either. But either way, he would be there because that has always been on my mind. What I really would have wanted was just to conduct my experiment and that would be it. But I knew what waited for me. All of a sudden I felt a force on my heels. What I have to stress here is that I was not dreaming. I was awake. Since I was paralyzed I could not speak, but I asked for help from the spirit guides that are supposed to exist. Going by the premise that thought becomes reality, even if spirit guides were products of imagination, they would nonetheless help me. But no help came. In fact, the presence that had touched my heels then sat on my legs. I felt a momentary terror, and then I realized that spirits cannot be harmed, and if I can come out of my body then I am a spirit too. Then I felt a powerful force crush every inch of me. I was not afraid at all, but I was wondering why my request for help went unanswered. The force on me was overwhelming. I could not tell if I was breathing or not, but soon decided that the force was probably being felt by my astral body, which was stuck inside the physical body. As soon as I thought that, the feeling of increasing force stopped; it was just an even force throughout, as if a sheet of steel were put over me. It is almost funny how I perceived no threat from it. I was actually relieved because I decided I did not want to leave my body. After an unknown period of time I fell asleep, and I had 3 lucid dreams in a row!!!

I realize that the force I felt was a manifestation that came from my own mind. The reason why no appareent aid came to me was because the force was my aid. It kept me from leaving. Another reason why I think no other type of aid came was because I did not want to encounter any beings, and if spirit guides appeared, that would not be what I wanted, for I wanted to see only the mundane earth and to fly to a friend’s house, free of anything else. I wanted to see this world only, and no sign of any other existence. But nothing can guarantee that, and until I come to terms with the knowledge I will gain, I am stuck in this body. Little by little, I am becoming ready for the journey. Maybe I will be able to write an article about the next step really soon.

   One of the reasons that I wrote about this is because, as humans, we have the ability to pass our experiences to each other with words. By using descriptions of things that you know or have experienced, I can build the picture of what happened to be in a way that you will understand. But I also wrote this so that you can tell me of your out of body experiences, if you’ve indeed had them. If you are willing to share, please write to me. Grimoire PO Box 1987 Clifton NJ 07011 I will be very thankful.